Explanation to a 7 year old

Posted by Joel on June 22nd, 2008 filed in Family

Hey all, Sunday evening of what was a great weekend.  Mom and Dad stopped by and visited for awhile.  I have to admit one of the hardest things for me to get my head around is the concept of my own mortality.  It’s just not what I consider a normal thought at age 37.  I suppose if I was 87, I might feel the same way who knows…As our family knows, my cousin Larry Fleschner ultimately lost his battle with cancer last year.  This was my kids first exposure to cancer as Larry was in our prayers at meals and bedtime for a long period of time.  When he passed, we did our best to explain what and why he passed as I’m sure others did too.  When April and I sat to try to explain to our kids that I was sick and what might be happening to my body in the near future with treatments, it was Daphne who picked up the quickest what was happening.  She heard the word “Cancer” and immediately associated it with Larry’s sickness and ultimately his death.  Once she picked it up the others followed suit, and I have to admit that moment ultimately has been the most difficult part of this god awful disease for me to endure.  It is near impossible for me to explain to adults let alone children, that although currently I look and feel what I would consider “normal” the doctors consider me ill.  And that I need to go take these treatments to “cure” my illness but the treatments could make me feel ill and look bad.  It’s not an easy concept for me to grasp let alone my 6,7 and 9 yr olds.

Tonight was tough on Daphne.  April came down and told me that while she was putting her to bed, that Daphne wanted to talk about cancer and was worried that I was going to die soon.  She sent April away with a message to tell me how much she loved me.

I went and layed with her and we talked.  She said it bothered her most when she shut her eyes and thought I wasn’t there.  I tried my best to explain that I didn’t think I was dying any faster than anybody else she knew.  I don’t have a good explanation for this and I don’t know the words to say.  I do know that she felt better as she fell asleep in my arms.

Understanding the effects that my illness has or will have on my wife and children, is by far the toughest part of this that I am having to deal with.  The mental is tougher on me than the physical.  My morale is high.  I believe if this can be beat, that I will beat it.  Tomorrow marks my “halfway” point of treatments.  I’ll continue to roll up my sleeves, pack a lunch and continue the fight.

Talk at you soon

~Joel

 


11 Responses to “Explanation to a 7 year old”

  1. Andrea Qualitza Says:

    Joel – I cannot tell you how pained I was to hear the news, but am so encouraged at your fighting spirit. You and your family are in our daily thoughts and payers.
    Godspeed in your treatment and recovery!

  2. Jack Fox Says:

    Joel,
    I can’t imagine what your family is going through. I would echo what Andrea said; your strength is incredible.

    If you don’t mind I would like to add you to my churches prayer list. I’m a pastor now (take a minute to let that shocker soak in haha) if there is anything I can do please let me know.

    Psalm 103:1-5

    Jack Fox
    jfox@mccth.org

  3. Mike Smith Says:

    Joel, I do not know if you remember me form our Honey Creek days or not. Jack Fox sent me an e-mail about your health. I am a father of 3-1/2 year old twin boys and I teared up reading what Jack had sent me. Believe me that You and your family will be in our prayers and the prayers of our friends and family at St. Ambrose in Seymour.
    Peace be with you.

    Mike

  4. Molly Edson Kerr Says:

    Joel,
    I just wanted you to know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I received your blog from my cousin Mike Smith. I also heard about your fight from my Aunt Judy Payne. I have two small children and cannot imagine how difficult it is to explain this awful disease to them. What a touching story you have shared with everyone who has the privledge to read your blog.

    Keep hope alive my friend!
    Molly

  5. Arnie Says:

    Hi Joel,
    I love your website. It will be a useful tool we can use to retrace the steps you took to beat this illness.

    And Joel, know that you have lots of family waiting in the wings to support you and your family with whatever you need. Much Love and Prayers are headed your way.

    – Peggyann and Arnie

  6. John Church Says:

    Joel,

    You’ve always been the lunch pail, hardhat kinda guy. I remember your younger days of being a little more mentally tough than the ordinary person.
    I would suppose that those characteristics have not change just because you are twenty years older.
    Tough on the family, but you will see courage that you have never seen before in them.
    Keep fighting the good fight!
    Take care.

    John

  7. Paula Cooprider Says:

    Dear Joel, I’m glad you had a nice weekend. Your Sunday night was terribly difficult. Seems like kids have a way ofgetting to the heart of things and Daphne surely did. I’m glad you were able to comfort and reassure her. You have exhibited an amazing strength as you have faced this disease. Your strength was evident whenyou made phone calls to tell us about your diagnosis but that was nothing compared to your conversations with Rachel, Daphne and Vincent. God bless you and your family. Paula

  8. yvette morgan Says:

    Joel,
    You may not remember me, but we went to school together…a long time ago! My maiden name was “martinez”…Does it ring a bell now? Jack and I still see each other and he stopped by my shop yesterday and told me about your illness and could see that he bothered him and was moved by your “Spirit” and “Strength”, so I decided that I needed to also let you know how touched I was reading your blog and want you to know that your in my thought’s and prayers and never stop the fight!! Sounds like you have a wonderful supportive family that loves and cares for you. God Bless- Yvette Morgan

  9. Heather (Barker-Wise) Horine Says:

    Joel,

    I saw the info on you on the MCHS reunion website. I am praying for you as I type this. Put your gear on and fight the fight. I know you will be fine! I have often wondered where you where and a, sad to have heard about this fight you are enduring. Please know that there are so many people thinking of you and praying for you….YOU WILL DO GREAT! I am very glad to know of this sight to check on you. Be strong! PEACE!

    Heather Horine
    (along with Patrick, Brennan, and Brady:)))

  10. Daphne Says:

    Dad you were Brave when you wrote this

  11. Paula Cooprider Says:

    Daphne, I agree that your dad was brave. Especially when he wrote this I think he was brave. He was a good daddy and we miss him. Paula

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